So for the next 21 days I’ll be embarking on a journey; a journey
to heal my mind. I have a ton of goals for myself. Some of which I’ve had for a
long time but have never seemed to be able to accomplish. For example, Yoga and
meditation. I used to be the type of person who was so close minded to the
power of such practices. My brother has been shoving meditation down my throat
for years but the stubborn side of my brain kept telling him that it doesn’t
work. It was only within the past few weeks that I’ve been seriously
contemplating the idea. The more research I did, the more books I read, the
more I started to be convinced. I realize now that the stubborn part of my
brain is exactly the problem.
I’m so
tired of hating myself. No matter what I do, I can never seem to get past the
same road block. I’ve had so many self-esteem issues my whole life. I’m ready
to change that. I want to radiate positivity and I want my happiness to be
contagious. I want to enrich the lives of the people who surround me. I want to
get rid of the negative thoughts about myself and about others. I want to
unlearn and relearn thought processes. I want to finally forgive the people who
have done me wrong in the past and more importantly, I want to forgive myself
for all those stupid things I’ve done. I want to get past my past. I want to
move forward in my life.
Driving
has always been my escape. Never underestimate the power of just driving with
the windows down and the music up. The other day, I was trying to clear my head,
so I went on a drive. The weirdest thing happened to me. All of a sudden I was overwhelmed
with love. Love for my family, for my very few close friends, my many new
friends, the trees around me, the sky above me and the ground below me. I was
so filled with joy and love I almost broke down in tears. There was not a cell
in my body that had hate, anger, sadness or bitterness. It was like a high I’ve
never experienced before. I want to feel
like that all the time. I want to be the Justine that my mind has never let me
become. I want to be happy.
So for
the next 21 days I’ll be cleansing. It’s not just a food cleanse, but a cleanse
of my mind. A cleanse of negativity and anger; of sadness and of bitterness. I
will learn to forgive, I will learn to forget and I will learn to love. I’ve
never felt so sure of anything in my entire life. I’ve come so far in my
journey to find optimal health and happiness. I feel like I’m so close to a
break through. I just need to keep pushing. I will be writing every day for the
next 3 weeks, so keep an eye out for my posts about progress. You better watch
out, I might turn into a Yogi/Buddhist/hippy/meditation freak. Haha just
kidding, that will never happen. I’m still a Pendletonian at heart. Now I’m just
a Pendletonian with a twist! 
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