Wednesday, December 31, 2014

New Year, Same Shit

             A new year, a chance to start over, to lose that last 10 pounds, to quit a habit or addiction, to start working out 5 times a week, to start eating healthier or to change the person you are. We always wait until the beginning of a new year and when we fail halfway through January, we promise ourselves “next year.” But again, we fail. We have the power to make a change during any time in our lives. It doesn’t have to start on January 1st. I made a change in April. It wasn’t a new years resolution, it was willpower and motivation to change my life. Last year, I had made a resolution to start loving myself more and by January 15th, I was back to the same ol’ depressed Justine. Faking a smile and telling everyone how happy I was. It wasn’t until I looked in the mirror on a random day in April that I was truly fed up of teaching self-love but never truly living up to what I was preaching. Telling other women to love their bodies, yet there I was standing in my bathroom looking at my reflection and hating everything about it. It was in that moment that I decided to make a change.
                It was only when I was actively working on being a happier person that I started to really feel a change. I was no longer just saying polite things to myself but actually believing them. This year has been a crazy roller coaster of slaying my inner demons and finally letting go of all the hurt and pain that’s haunted me for years. I was holding onto things that should have been let go years ago. Like that one time some ass hole at the pool called me fat and ruined my life forever. That was the part I always remembered but it didn’t hit me until I started to dive into these inner demons that I remember the other half of the memory… After that kid called me fat I picked up a basketball and nailed him right in the face with it. I’m stronger than I gave myself credit for. All those memories that I have of pain and hurt, I forgot about what I learned from those experiences and how much strength and courage I gained.  
                Life is all about making mistakes because that’s how we learn. I feel like I always have to learn the hard way for a lesson to really stick. These were all the lessons that went down the hard way.
  1)      I love fiercely. It’s just who I am and no matter how much I seem to get hurt in the process, I should never try to lose that part of me.
  2)      Being a bitch with a chip on my shoulder will get me nowhere. Thank you to my brother who finally opened my eyes.
  3)      Not all beautiful women are bitches, despite what my brain tells me when meeting someone new.
  4)      Keep those who love me close. I can only push away someone so much before I lose them for good.
  5)      The less fucks I give, the happier I seem to be.
  6)      2nd chances are okay, but 3rd, 4th or 5th chances aren’t worth it
  7)      Talking through my feelings with someone helps me understand them. Holding onto emotions is a one way street to misery
  8)      Sometimes the wrong person walks out of your life so that the right person has the chance to walk in
  9)      Being 21 isn’t as fun as I thought it would be
  10)   Green juice is life
  11)   I’m a horrible judge of character
  12)   When I force something to work out, it will never work out
  13)   Let shit happen
  14)   Falling in love sucks when the other person isn’t there to catch you

             This year was full of adventures. I made a positive change, boosted my self esteem, fell in love, got into a program that I didn't think was possible to be accepted into, met some amazing people, made some amazing friends, caught up with old friends, made a difference in someone's life and finally found myself. Life is all about learning, loving, laughing everyday, being kind, doing what you love, going on adventures, getting lost and having fun. I'm learning that whatever obstacles come my way, I can either learn from it, run from it or conquer it. I have no clue what kind of shit show is coming my way in 2015 but whatever it is, I plan to conquer it. Have a safe New Year!
                                           2014 playlist:
·         A Man who was gonna die young- Eric Church
·         We Are Tonight-Bill Currington
·         What Does: EYB
·         Whiskey In My Water- Tyler Farr
·         Until I Met You- Sundy Best
·         Thunder- Sundy Best
·         Burnin Bed- David Nail
·         Say You Do- Dierks Bentley
·         Blackbird- The Beatles